Betrayal
by 0XOX Walking Flame
Summary: When you fall too deep, you start to lose control. The mind spins uncontrollably, and starts to pine for her. Paul combined with lust . . . seven and deadly. Oneshot. Hot and Bothered Award. Enjoy..


This is the rewritten version. I prefer this one better. Please don't laugh, I hope it's not horrible. I know the ending seems kind of rushed, I wasn't really sure how long it was going to turn out to be, and I wanted to wrap it up.

I submitted this for the seven and deadly contest at the MCBC. This received the Hot and Bothered Award. lol. Seriously. Hope you like!

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Betrayal

By Ellen

Paul + Lust

My head pounded in the same rhythm as the dire thud of each raindrop against the rooftop. Eyes bloodshot and threatening to lose sight, I tossed my head back against the bed. God, how the bed spread felt so velvety against my skin, making me pine for Suze even harder.

The stench of strong liquor perfumed my mouth. I shuttered as the ghastly scent, pushing my limp hands back through my hair, struggling to collect myself in a pleasing position. God, just spare me from this pain.

I'm so sick of pretending like it doesn't matter to me. I loathed the way de Silva held her in his arms like she was his. He hardly owned her. Damn it, can't he see how grotesque this is, simply preposterous. He's a sinful, lowlife ghost that took advantage of an innocent, angelic girl.

And yet . . . he acts as if it doesn't matter. As if it wasn't dirty and sinful for them to be together. Tell me that he doesn't care seeing her with someone else. Tell me that he's not going to hurt her. And I'll know you're lying.

He was manipulative. Does he not sin? Does he not lust? Hardly so. Or he was just too damn good at suppressing his feelings. Life is just a game, and where are the players without sin? When is the fun of 'skip a turn' or 'move forward' without flaws?

With de Silva, it's just smooth coasting. All the way to the finish line. Where are they going to go from there?

What did I do wrong? I so carefully tried to change my ways, so that she'd see me in a new light. She sees it, I can enlighten, but it doesn't matter. She smiles at me in the halls, like I'm just another one of her friends.

I politely asked to carry her book, but she argues that she's dependent. Requesting for a single dance, she simpers that her feet's too sore. Never once did I even question her motives, but did I have to?

When did this get so complicated? How did I lose her? I can sulk all day, and know that I've lost. I'll pretend like it doesn't hurt me . . . it's just a game of tennis. She's lobbed over the ball to my court . . .

. . . and I wasn't able to fling it back.

But I can't let it go. Then I could've lost all my cause.

Unrolling the crumbled letter from my fist, regret dotted my sight. It shattered my world. Binding me into a spell of anger, despair, and left me vindicated. With my fist clenched, the world that I held in the palm of my hand that I so treasured deteriorate. The weight proved to be too strong of a purpose to survive.

My face twisted in pain. I groped my mind for something to stack up the disintegrate life before it swept me away, but establishing hopelessness.

She could have cut me off clean. No pain. Just the ache of the moment, and nothing to tag along. But like the brilliant mind that she is, she left me to die painfully.

I tottered along, the whole time thinking that I've played her. She was always within grasp, but just barely. Pulling out before it's too late, and pitching in when the thought lingered. She was a dream, half-hearted angel of nightmare.

Never was it every the wrong opportunity to strike, but always did I miss. Hell was just a few feet away, waiting for me to fall, gripping my chest, sucking me in.

Temptation turned on me, pitching me a fast ball.

So blind by love that I never even saw myself saunter in her trap. Yet, she still doesn't even know it. Her gaze is oblivious to me.

Redemption is so far down the corridor. My foot already gave up on me, my failure miserable. I could trip, and fall, and still know that I haven't made any progress.

Altering my gaze to the sea view window, my sight began to heal. It was hardly as perfect as it was featured, but gorgeous all the same. Even with the inevitable rain that refused to cease, the beach was a vision.

The mighty waves of the ocean fell into a trans to rhythmic crashing, only beats slowing than the continuous rain. It thundered, the house rumbled.

God was crying. Falling in sync with me. The rigid rain poured forth my pain, bringing into to crash against mother earth.

My head hummed as I gazed out at foggy Californian sky. It was hardly visible, clouding up everything else on the way.

Was this the same sky that Suze was glancing at now? Or was I the only one on Earth that paid attention.

I have everything I want, anything that I desired. Everything but her.

Squirming at the clear cut ring of the doorbell, I flung myself to the door. What the – could someone want at this hour? And I swear if it's another one of those pathetic ghosts that—

Oh.

I clenched my teeth to stop my head from throbbing so painfully. My foot gave up on me already, but I pushed myself harder. What's life without motivation?

For this one girl. One mere female.

Impatient to unlock to door, I scarcely paid attention to my lost cause.

She was here.

That meant she wanted to see me.

My pulse quickened as the sight of her, wanting to fling myself on her. When did she become so beautiful? Her emerald green eyes sparkled like nothing else in the world mattered. Her luscious lips came into a simple pout that make her features glow. Like an angel.

When did I fall so hard?

The rain seemed to leak from the sky. Unlatching the door with hardly any complication, I felt sweat dotting my head. I couldn't possibly be afraid, after all, she couldn't hurt me. Physically.

"What do you want?" I hissed nastily, seeing her flinch at my words.

She was wet all over, her damp hazelnut hair fell limply to her shoulders. Shuttering out in the cold, she looked like a poor animal with no place to go. Her tear stricken face seemed so vulnerable. I heard the swift chattering of her teeth.

Gazing up at me with those longing, bright eyes of hers, my felt her soul trembling.

"Please," Suze fell to my foot, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't seem to stop, begging me with those enticing eyes of hers. "You need to help me, Paul. There's no one else that I could come to."

I let my gaze linger to her lips. They were so soft—

I felt an overwhelming urge to take her right there. But I couldn't break her like that, especially when she came to me. She finally trusted me, letting down her guards. She was simply too vulnerable.

"He was talking to me one minute and – and – " she hiccupped, wiping a droplet of crystal tear inching down her rosy cheeks with the back of her hand.

My face drew to a blank.

Hold on . . . what?

I ushered her in, and she followed like an empty shell. She would sniffle at every step we took, her tears streaming down her flawless face. Her lashes were glazed with tear or rain, and her face was red from her cold.

Deciding to take the safe route, I lead her into the kitchen. It was the only secluded area that's decorations didn't consist of glass walls. Plus, it brought her to have faith in my actions as well as provide her with what little warmth that came from the fireplace.

Even though she did slipped and missed a couple of steps, that didn't shake her out of the state she was in.

Holding her tiny, frozen hand within mine to lead the way, I felt it shake, unsure of whether from the shock or the cold. It was like fire meeting ice, as my fingers led the way to her palm.

No longer were her eyes captivating as they were blurry from the tears. She broke into shivers as I slowly peeled away her soaking jacket to replace it with a cotton robe. Though she was still wet, her flesh glued to her shirt and jeans, I didn't dare venturing further. I didn't want to violate anything.

Dragging her hands forward, she began to trudge her steps and starts to become reluctant, but didn't give any yelp of objection. Her pacing slowed, but she never stopped following me.

My hand groped the wall for a light switch. I wasn't exactly at my quickest, but I can manage with Suze around. She brought a sense of warmth and comfort that I could feel around no one else.

Not even myself.

A shattering blindness overwhelmed the room, flashing the room. I winced, the light catching my eyes with an unexpected affect. Suze shuttered, staggering back, but she couldn't let go of my hand, nor was she fazed at all.

Not blinking, not talking, just shaking and sniffling.

She was dazed, and tears just kept blazing forked trails down her somewhat-dirt-encrusted face. Her limp, white hands were mangy with all the dirt that hasn't been cleansed by the rain yet.

I settled her to the closest seat next to the crackling hearth. The warm light gave her a soft glow that weakened her features.

Letting her hands slip from mine, I tumbling unevenly across the kitchen. The coffee pot felt cold and unfamiliar in my touch, replacing Suze's temperate ones.

I seated myself across from her, nudging the bitter, dark coffee across to her. She instantly pawed at it, a much faster response than I would've expected. A pool of liquid glazed her eyes and spilled as she guzzled down the coffee.

She stopped for a while, the cup still half empty. Then silence crept back in. I was going to let her have her time, her space, whatever she wanted. I'll give it to her.

"It was like," she sniffled, her hand immediately shot up to stroke the tears away from her face, leaving a trail of dirt. "Watching my own destruction."

"He illuminated the way. Something that I could look forward to everyday. I have sinned," her eyes levitated up to the ceiling in prayer position. "I know that I haven't spend enough time with him."

She paused, hiccupped. "That's my deepest regret."

"Su—"

She cut me off. "I was having a horrible day. I expected him to be there, like always." She looked up at me, her piercing eyes cutting into my flesh. "I guess you kind of do that when you take something for granted, huh?"

"I screamed. For the entirety of two hours, his name was the only thing parting from my lips. I couldn't stop, like, like, I was some kind of compulsive freak. He showed up at 2:30 in the morning. His face was stricken with regret, or . . . sadness? He was pale, and tired."

Damn that de Silva, the least he could do was to treat her with some decency. He couldn't show up for two hours for Suze.

"He told me that he was sorry. I doubted his sincerity, and started screaming and ranting on. I told him about my day, my problems. I exposed to him all my pure hatred. It was like as if he's confiscated a gun in my possession, and I didn't even know it was there. I hated him for not being there. And worst of all . . . I hated myself for not being there."

"He apologized, and told me to stop. Stop, but I couldn't do it. My brain has lost its functions, and I couldn't stop. You think he was pure? Sinless? Then he's not human. We fought."

She chugged down the putrid coffee, her face twisting in pain. Was she punishing herself?

"His eyes were burning. But I could see the despair. And it brought out the monsters of myself. He said that he wasn't going to be back for a long time. That it was natural, and nothing in the world could help or stop it."

She choked back the tear, her face distorted in pain. "And he disappeared. Just like that, and I knew that he wasn't coming back. It was breaking a chunk of love from me. He had left this vortex inside me, and I don't know what to do about it."

She just suddenly fell silent, her eyes didn't break away from the glowing hearth. She was mulling over everything, trying to recollect the memory.

Then . . . her walls came crumbling down around her. Her shell broke, and she fell apart. The reality was unwinding around her, and came sinking in too fast. She hugged herself, trying to stop the tears gushing out.

It proved useless.

"So I ran." She implored me to . . . to what?

"You know what was the worst part of running away?" She searched my face, bringing her eyes to meet mine.

" . . . it's knowing that he wasn't going after me."

My head throbbed in pain. I couldn't help but notice how nice she looked when she was crying like that.

"Father D is at the hospital," I concluded, feeling a smirk lifting at my mouth. "So you can't to find _me._"

God, that was pathetic. She sunk so low as to search for my guidance. As if I could somehow get de Silva back for her?

I didn't know what came over me. And impulse, I guess.

An urge. A need. Hunger. _Lust._

I wanted her so bad. It became a need to feel her silky skin under my fingertips, to have her startling green eyes beg me for more. My name to part from her lips.

I felt her body writhe under me in pain. She had moaned, but I didn't accept it. She had no _idea_ what passion even was.

She _called _for me.

"Paul," she groaned, thrusting the palms of her hands against my chest.

She wasn't getting off, not after all the pain that I've gone through for her to be in this position.

The chill running down her spine passed from her body to mine. I was intensified by the heat she radiated, working her harder. Her skin was cashmere that I could never afford.

"You can't feel this with de Silva," I spat, thrusting my hands at her shoulders.

She drew back at the taste of alcohol when my lips crashed into hers. Reaching for her face, my fingers smeared her stained tears. Recoiling against my ruthless hold, she whispered, guilty tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Paul," she pleaded, her voice clearly shaking from shock. She was shaking so badly, wincing at my every touch.

Grinding my hips against hers, I caught Suze shuttering.

She loved it, I knew. I couldn't let her go now, she was begging for more. Though her actions provided otherwise, I sensed it.

"Let me go—" she gasped as I stroke her back, causing the reaction that sounded every so sweet to my ears.

Caressing her skin, I whispered, "Fate force us together, Suze. You can't escape that."

Suze's voice lingered in my head, pleading at me.

I hurt her. But I wouldn't have sent her over the edge. I couldn't have, she meant too much for me to break her gentle soul.

She cringed, and then swatted me away. Such a naive girl, she had no idea.

"You're not like this, Paul," she crawled in a cramped space, her arms drawn over her head. "Don't do this. Jesse'll—"

She gasped. Every hint of betrayal lingering her expressions.

She had asked for it.

"It's always about _him_, isn't it!" I snarled, my eyes flashing with rage.

She _needs_ me.

So I slapped her . . .

Her eyes widened . . . And she fell out of consciousness.

She finally stopped struggling, yelling, or any movement at all.

I fell out of the state I was in, and gazed at the wilted girl limp next to me. She was taunt and worn. She was rendered useless, helpless.

But one thing that I couldn't escape was the look on her face. It haunted my dreams.

Reaching out, I tugged on her, pulling her close to me. The heat was no longer, but replaced by a cold spell.

I sat here, holding an innocent girl in my arms.

. . . Sinner

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Ta Dum! 7 and a half pages! How much do you love me?

Ellen


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